Living With Children

I truly believe that a Mommy who decorates her home should also decorate her SOUL!  I am so excited to share with you our newest contributor to MommyDecorates.com blog.  We are very pleased to announce that John Rosemond will be contributing helpful family and parenting advice as well as articles to our blog each week.   He is a family psychologist and he is one of America’s busiest and most popular speakers in the parenting field. Please take a few minutes each week to read his articles that we will post, and I pray that you will be blessed!

 

Living with Children

John Rosemond

Copyright 2013, John K. Rosemond

            Someone recently told me she wanted her children to “think for themselves.” Not me, I said. If I was still in my active parenting years, I would most definitely want my children to think like I do. That would be, in fact, my primary purpose. I would want them to accept that my values are the right values to hold and I’d want them to eventually make every effort to pass those values on to their children. But then, I don’t subscribe to the postmodern notion that all values are equal. I’m not a relativist.

            But even in the case of a person who doesn’t think like I do and (therefore) doesn’t hold the values I hold, wouldn’t that person still want their children to think like they do? Wouldn’t a person who believes all values are equal, that right and wrong are relative concepts, want their kids to believe likewise? It’s called a worldview, and there’s really little point in investing eighteen or more years of time, effort, and money in raising a child if one is not trying to produce someone who will subscribe to a certain, defined worldview and (therefore) champion certain values.

            How do you pass your values onto your children? From the earliest possible time in their lives, you talk about your values and you explain how they comprise your code for living. Why do you donate the one hundred dollar bill you found blowing in the wind to the local homeless shelter? Why don’t you allow your children to watch certain movies and television shows? You explain to your children that your definitions of right and wrong, your decisions, and your opinions about various matters are based on certain core principles. Your ability to articulate those principles clearly enough that a 5-year-old can understand them reflects that you are clear on them yourself. And you not only talk about your values, but you walk your talk. There’s no room for “Do as I say, not as I do” in an ethical worldview.

            This is the process by which you shape your child’s character, by which you produce a good citizen, someone who will make the community a better place. Everything else—grades, athletic accomplishments, artistic talents, and so on—is secondary. Raising a mathematically and musically gifted and talented child who wins a scholarship to Harvard is fine, but when all is said and done, good parenting is simply an act of love for your neighbor.

            But make no mistake, no matter how well you communicate your worldview to your children, they will think for themselves, and from a very early age. They will even make decisions that will cause you to scratch your head in wonder or weep with sorrow. Parenting is an influence; it does not determine the outcome. Even the most well-parented (by whatever standard) child is capable, on any given day, of acting in ways that are completely inconsistent with his or her upbringing. That fact, if not fully accepted, can generate lots of parental frustration, lots of parental guilt, or lots of both.

            As your great-grandmother put it, “Every child has a mind of his own.”

            Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents’ questions on his website at www.rosemond.com.

Family psychologist John Rosemondis one of America’s busiest and most popular speakers in the parenting field. He’s known for his sound advice, humor, and relaxed, engaging style giving talks weekly to parent, church and professional organizations all over the map. John is syndicated in approximately 225 newspapers nationwide and has written 14 best-selling parenting books including“Parenting by the Book/Biblical Wisdom for Raising Your Child.”  Rosemond advocates a practical approach to parenting which allows children to develop as unique and caring individuals under the leadership of parents who use effective boundaries and discipline.

 

Go to www.rosemond.com for the 2012 John Rosemond speaking schedule and to invite him to your community.

Family psychologist John Rosemond is on a mission to help parents claim loving leadership of their families. He’s known for his sound advice, humor, and relaxed, engaging style giving talks weekly to parent, church and professional organizations all over the map. John is syndicated in approximately 225 newspapers nationwide and has written 15 best-selling parenting books, including his latest, Parent Babble, How parents can recover from 50 years of bad expert advice.

Click here to view John’s calendar and here to invite him to your community. Or contact Jessica Lalley at 404-858-4816.

 

Another Great Article

Living with Children

Copyright 2013, John K. Rosemond

“Discipline That Little Ones Understand”

Q: My kids, 4 and 3, are very loud. They yell and run inside the house. They bang toys, get into loud conflicts, and my son likes to scare his little sister by growling like a dinosaur. I know most of this stuff is normal, but I’ve got a new baby on the way, and I’m worried that the baby isn’t going to be able to get enough rest during the day. Should I punish or just lighten up? 

A: I don’t know if you need to lighten up or not, but you most definitely have the right to protect yourself—and baby-on-the-way—from aural assault. It is not unreasonable to expect children to play quietly. Fun and quiet are not incompatible.

Your kids are old enough to understand the “Three Strike Rule.” They start the day with no strikes. When they get too loud, for whatever reason, they BOTH get a strike, no matter who was the louder one or who started it. Just walk in to where they are and say, “That’s strike one,” and walk out. They’ll get it in no time.

When they get to three strikes, they spend one hour in their respective rooms. Use a timer to avoid dealing with “Can we come out now?” The slate is then wiped clean and they start over. If they get to three strikes twice in the same day, they spend the rest of the day in their respective rooms and go to bed early.

That’s a very systematic, yet simple way of dealing with this sort of problem. Done with dispassion and consistency, that strategy should have you saying “There is no place like home!” within a few weeks.

Q: My son just turned 3. When I punish him by taking something away from him (a particular toy or book taken for a day), he immediately follows with “But maybe tomorrow?” like it doesn’t phase him at all as long as he has an end in sight. I have been reticent to do a big bombshell takeaway like you advocate in some of your books, only because his infractions, taken individually, are minor. The worst things are occasionally not listening and an occasional lie (he told me recently that his Daddy said he could do something…I found out later his Daddy said no such thing). Is it okay to do a dramatic consequence (e.g., no trains for a week) for those sorts of things at this age?

A: To set the record straight, I rarely advocate “big bombshell” consequences with children under the age of 4, and then only for persistent misbehavior that either is or has the potential of becoming serious. You’re not describing anything more than typical “flack.” If you over-react to flack, you are very likely to end up in a major power struggle. Yes, I do advocate nipping misbehavior in the proverbial bud, but you can send the “I won’t tolerate that” message without pulling out a weapon of mass destruction. When it comes to consequences, overkill can create more problems than it solves.

Your son is asking if he can have his toy or privilege back “tomorrow” because tomorrow is about as far into the future as a 3-year-old can envision. In addition, “tomorrow” to a 3-year-old is anything in the future. His question is simply an attempt to make sure that whatever you’ve taken away isn’t gone forever. It merits no concern whatsoever.

When he doesn’t listen right away, take something away until “tomorrow.” When you think he might be lying, just say, “I don’t think so” and walk away. At this age, the occasional lie about small stuff is to be expected. The less a “big deal” you make of these little deviations, the more quickly they will die a natural death.

All told, it sounds like you’re doing fine. Stay the course! And while you’re at it, don’t forget to laugh.

 

Family psychologist John Rosemondis one of America’s busiest and most popular speakers in the parenting field. He’s known for his sound advice, humor, and relaxed, engaging style giving talks weekly to parent, church and professional organizations all over the map. John is syndicated in approximately 225 newspapers nationwide and has written 14 best-selling parenting books including“Parenting by the Book/Biblical Wisdom for Raising Your Child.”  Rosemond advocates a practical approach to parenting which allows children to develop as unique and caring individuals under the leadership of parents who use effective boundaries and discipline.

 

Go to www.rosemond.com for the 2012 John Rosemond speaking schedule and to invite him to your community.

Family psychologist John Rosemond is on a mission to help parents claim loving leadership of their families. He’s known for his sound advice, humor, and relaxed, engaging style giving talks weekly to parent, church and professional organizations all over the map. John is syndicated in approximately 225 newspapers nationwide and has written 15 best-selling parenting books, including his latest, Parent Babble, How parents can recover from 50 years of bad expert advice.

Click here to view John’s calendar and here to invite him to your community. Or contact Jessica Lalley at 404-858-4816.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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